BECOMING

WHO AM I BECOMING?
A Question of Growth, Rejection and the Person We Choose to Become

I almost talked myself out of attending the Book Launch. It was not because I had somewhere more important to be. Rather, unanswered applications had lately made it difficult to feel enthusiastic about anything that reminded me of the future. There is something discouraging about putting yourself forward, hoping someone will notice what you have to offer, and receiving nothing in return. After a while, the silence begins to feel like an answer. You start questioning your abilities, your preparation, and sometimes even the direction you have chosen for your life. Still, I attended, unaware of how much a question about becoming would make me reconsider the way I had been looking at my life.

The presentation opened with three questions: Who am I? Who do I want to become? Who do I need to become to get there? They sounded simple enough, but as I listened, I realised that I had spent more time thinking about where I wanted to be than about the person I needed to become to get there. I wanted opportunities. I wanted progress. Yet, how often had I stopped to consider whether I was developing the skills, confidence, and relationships that the future I imagined might require?

The speaker, Happiness, introduced becoming as a process of continuous growth. It does not happen automatically because we grow older, graduate, or acquire certificates. It requires learning, unlearning, making decisions, and taking responsibility for the person we are developing into. One statement particularly stayed with me: our lives have been dictated for us for the past sixteen years or more. Now, it is our turn to define who we are.

For years, other people had played significant roles in deciding what we learnt, how we spent our time, and what counted as progress. Parents, teachers, schools, and society had helped shape our understanding of who we were supposed to be. Now, as we enter a stage where more decisions belong to us, we must begin to ask whether the lives we are pursuing truly reflect who we want to become. That responsibility can be exciting, but it can also be frightening. There is no teacher standing beside every decision to tell us whether we are getting it right. Sometimes, we have to choose a direction without knowing exactly where it will lead.

Then came another question: “If God answers your prayer right now and gives you the opportunity you have been asking for, are you prepared for the person you are praying to become?”

I sat up a little straighter. Until that moment, I had mostly been concerned about the opportunities I had not received. I was applying for roles suited to my qualifications and experience, yet the unanswered applications still left me wondering when my efforts would pay off. The question shifted my attention from what I was waiting to receive to what I was doing with the time I already had. Was I preparing for the opportunities I wanted, or had I become so focused on waiting for a response that I was overlooking the work still required of me? I could not answer with a simple yes.

Happiness went on to explain five factors that contribute to becoming: Skill, Voice, Network, Adaptability, and Experimentation. As she discussed them, I began to see that becoming was not just about knowing what I wanted from life. It was also about understanding myself, identifying what I needed to develop, and taking deliberate steps towards the person I hoped to be.

Skill: Discovering What You Can Become

The first factor was skill, but before we can develop a skill, we must first understand ourselves. What are we good at? What do we genuinely enjoy doing? What interests us enough to make us want to explore it further? Sometimes, becoming begins with discovering an ability we already possess. At other times, it begins with recognising something we deeply desire to do, even when we have not yet developed the ability to do it well.

Happiness’s message made me consider the connection between identity and skill. Recognising what we are good at or passionate about gives us a starting point, but discovery alone is not enough. We must be willing to learn, practise, and improve. I thought about writing, something I identify with and genuinely want to pursue. Calling myself a writer is one thing; becoming a better one requires more. I must read, practise, learn from other writers, and develop my ability to communicate ideas effectively. The desire gives me direction, but the work helps me grow into the person I want to become.

The same applies to someone interested in technology, business, communication, art, or any other field. Discovering an interest is only the beginning. We must be willing to explore it and develop the skills it requires. We do not have to be good at everything, nor must we have everything figured out before we begin. What matters is recognising our potential, understanding what we desire to become, identifying the skills we need, and committing ourselves to developing them.

Voice: Learning to Present Yourself and Communicate Your Value

The second factor was voice. This went beyond speaking up or having the confidence to participate in conversations. It was about knowing how to present ourselves, introduce ourselves powerfully, communicate our abilities, and make people understand what we bring to the table.

We may possess valuable skills, have meaningful ideas, or be capable of doing excellent work, but how do we let people know? How do we introduce ourselves in a way that communicates who we are, what we can do, and what we hope to contribute? Having the qualifications or desire to do something is one thing; presenting ourselves in a way that helps others understand our suitability is another.

Happiness’s message challenged us to take responsibility for how we present ourselves. We should be able to describe our abilities, communicate our interests, and express our ideas with clarity and confidence. This does not mean exaggerating our achievements or pretending to have more experience than we do. It means recognising our value and learning to communicate it effectively.

I considered how important this could be when applying for jobs or introducing myself as someone with a particular skill. I need to communicate not only what I want to do but also what I can offer and what I am doing to improve. Beyond that, voice involves expressing our opinions and standing by our ideas when we have something meaningful to contribute. We should not assume that our thoughts are unimportant simply because someone else appears more experienced or confident. At the same time, communicating effectively requires us to listen, consider other perspectives, and remain open to learning.

Our voice helps bridge the gap between what we possess and what others know about us. We may have the skill, the interest, and the potential, but we must also learn how to make our abilities, ideas, and aspirations known. Becoming the person we desire to be therefore involves not only developing our abilities but also learning how to communicate their value.

Network: Understanding the People Around Your Journey

The third factor was network. Our journey towards becoming the people we desire to be does not happen entirely on our own. The people we meet, the relationships we build, and the conversations we have can influence what we learn, the opportunities we discover, and how we understand the paths we want to pursue.

Happiness’s message about networking made me think beyond the idea of knowing important people. A network is not simply a collection of contacts we hope will help us get jobs or introduce us to influential people. It is also a community through which we exchange ideas, learn from experience, discover possibilities, and build relationships that can support our growth.

Sometimes, someone else has already faced the challenge we are struggling with. They may have knowledge that could save us time, help us avoid certain mistakes, or give us a clearer understanding of what lies ahead. Yet, we cannot benefit from knowledge we never seek, and we cannot build relationships if we are unwilling to connect with people.

This requires us to be intentional about the people and communities we engage with. We must remain open to learning from people whose experiences differ from ours and consider what we can contribute rather than approaching every interaction only in terms of what we stand to gain. A conversation may not immediately lead to an opportunity, but it can broaden our understanding or introduce us to a perspective we had not considered.

I thought about how easy it can be to remain within the limits of what we already know. We may spend time trying to figure everything out independently because asking questions feels uncomfortable. However, if I want to grow and explore opportunities beyond what I currently know, I cannot expect to discover every possibility alone. Building a network does not mean forcing friendships or pretending to be someone we are not. It means being willing to connect, communicate, learn, and contribute. The people around us do not determine our entire future, but the relationships we build can influence our growth. Sometimes, becoming requires us to step beyond familiar spaces and learn from people who challenge us to think differently.

Adaptability: Learning to Adjust as You Grow

The fourth factor was adaptability. Knowing who we are and what we want is important, but becoming also requires us to recognise that our understanding may change as we gain experience. We may begin a journey with a particular plan, only to discover that we need a different approach, additional knowledge, or even a new direction.

Adaptability is the ability to respond to change without losing sight of what matters to us. It involves being open to new information, examining our experiences, and making adjustments when necessary. It does not mean abandoning our goals at the first sign of difficulty. Rather, it means understanding that there may be more than one way to move towards them.

My job applications came to mind again. I was making efforts to find roles that suited my qualifications and experience, but the absence of responses could leave me wondering what I was doing wrong. I could keep sending applications in exactly the same way and hope that something eventually changed, but I also needed to consider whether there were things I could improve, whether I was presenting myself effectively, and whether I could explore other routes towards my goals.

At the same time, I had to recognise that not every unanswered application was my fault. Employers make decisions for different reasons, and not all of them provide feedback. Sometimes, we may have done our best and still not be selected. Adaptability means learning to distinguish between what we can change and what is outside our control.

It also means being willing to reconsider our assumptions. We may discover that a path we once desired does not suit us as well as we expected, develop an interest we had never seriously considered, or realise that a weakness we once ignored requires attention before we can progress. Growth becomes difficult when we treat every decision as permanent or every change of direction as failure. As we learn more about ourselves and the world around us, we must be willing to make informed adjustments. Becoming is not about following one plan perfectly. It is about learning from our experiences and using that knowledge to make better decisions about where we go next.

Experimentation: Giving Yourself Room to Discover

The fifth factor was experimentation. Sometimes, we know what interests us but are unsure whether we can turn that interest into something meaningful. At other times, we have not discovered our abilities because we have not given ourselves enough opportunities to explore them.

Experimentation encourages us to try, explore, test ideas, and learn through experience rather than wait until we are completely certain about what we can do. We may admire a particular field from a distance, but experiencing it can reveal things we could not have known beforehand. We may discover that we enjoy the work more than we expected, or realise that our interests lie elsewhere. Either outcome gives us information that can help us understand ourselves better.

This is important because identity is not always something we discover by sitting alone and thinking about who we are. Sometimes, we learn about ourselves through the things we attempt, the challenges we face, and the experiences that reveal our strengths and limitations. I considered how this applied to my writing. Wanting to become a better writer requires more than imagining the kind of writer I hope to be. I need to write, share my work when appropriate, learn from feedback, and try different ways of expressing ideas. Each attempt gives me an opportunity to understand my strengths and recognise where I still need to improve.

Of course, experimentation requires us to accept that our first attempts may not be impressive. We may make mistakes, receive criticism, or discover that we need more practice. These experiences can be uncomfortable, but they do not have to become reasons to stop trying. We must also consider our circumstances, responsibilities, and available resources. We do not have to pursue every interest or take unnecessary risks to prove that we are willing to grow. What matters is the willingness to explore possibilities rather than allow fear of failure to make every decision for us. Sometimes, we must try something before we can confidently decide whether it belongs in our future.

By the end of these five factors, I began to understand becoming as more than a desire to reach a particular destination. It involved discovering what mattered to me, developing my abilities, communicating my value, building meaningful relationships, adapting to new information, and allowing myself to explore possibilities. But understanding who we want to become also requires us to examine the things that may be preventing us from growing.

The Labels We Carry

The discussion moved to the labels we carry, some given to us by people who know us and others formed through experiences that shape how we see ourselves. We may be described as shy, lazy, unserious, brilliant, difficult, or incapable. Sometimes, we believe these descriptions so deeply that we allow them to determine what we attempt and what we avoid.

Happiness encouraged us to examine these labels rather than accept all of them without question. Not every criticism is intended to limit us. Some feedback can help us recognise habits and weaknesses we need to work on. But not every person’s opinion about us is accurate, and not every description should become our understanding of ourselves. There is a difference between saying, “I struggle with this,” and saying, “This is all I will ever be.” If we struggle with consistency, for example, we can examine our habits and work on improving them without deciding that we are incapable of being consistent.

The speaker then asked us to consider two things: What is one thing you need to unlearn, and what is one thing you need to learn? Participants mentioned fear of failure, comparison, procrastination, and people pleasing. Others identified discipline, consistency, and financial management as things they needed to develop. Listening to their responses made the discussion feel less distant. These were familiar struggles faced by people trying to figure things out.

I also began to examine myself. It is easy to focus on the opportunities we have not received, but how often do we question our own habits? Are there things we keep postponing? Are there weaknesses we have acknowledged but made little effort to address? Do we sometimes blame our circumstances without examining the areas where we could make a different choice? These were not comfortable questions, but they were necessary ones. Becoming requires both learning and unlearning. We must be willing to acquire new knowledge while questioning the assumptions and habits that no longer serve us.

Disappointment and Rejection

When the second session began, the speaker, Chidera, introduced the topic of disappointment and rejection. The question was direct: How should young people respond to rejection? The answer was hope.

At first, hope sounded like a simple response to a difficult experience. But as the discussion continued, I began to understand that the message was not about pretending rejection does not hurt or forcing ourselves to remain positive through every disappointment. Rejection can be painful, particularly when we have invested time, effort, and expectations in something. It can be difficult to keep believing in ourselves when our efforts repeatedly seem to lead nowhere.

For young people trying to establish themselves, unanswered applications can be especially discouraging. We prepare our documents, submit them, and wait. Sometimes, we receive a rejection. Other times, we receive nothing at all. The silence leaves us with questions. Was the application weak? Did someone else have better qualifications? Was the position already filled? Was there something we could have done differently? Without feedback, we may never know.

I understood this part of the conversation personally. I had been applying for roles that suited my qualifications and experience, yet the silence sometimes made me question whether I was doing enough or approaching things the right way. It was difficult to keep making an effort without knowing what, if anything, needed to change.

Chidera encouraged us not to allow disappointing experiences to become conclusions about our identities. An unanswered application does not automatically mean that we are unqualified. A failed attempt does not mean we cannot succeed, and being overlooked does not mean we have nothing valuable to offer.

This does not mean refusing to examine our shortcomings. If there is something we can learn from an experience, we should be willing to learn it. But we must be careful not to turn a single outcome, or even several disappointing outcomes, into a permanent judgement about who we are. We can acknowledge that rejection hurts without allowing it to determine our next decision.

Hope, in this sense, is not the belief that everything will work out exactly as we want. It is the willingness to keep recognising possibilities even when the outcome is uncertain.

Waiting for an Opportunity or Preparing for One?

The discussion moved from responding to rejection to a more practical question: What is the difference between waiting for an opportunity and preparing for one? Chidera challenged us to consider what we do while waiting. If we want to enter a particular field, we can begin by learning about it. What skills are required? What do people already working in that space know? What can we learn independently? What experience can we gain, even on a small scale?

Preparing may involve taking courses, practising relevant skills, building a portfolio, improving our communication, researching organisations, or learning how to present our abilities more effectively. Chidera mentioned resources such as Google Garage, Claude, and YouTube as places where young people could find information and develop their knowledge. She also encouraged us to connect with companies and experienced people in our areas of interest rather than wait for opportunities to come to us.

The point was clear: we should not merely wait for a chance to prove ourselves. We should use the time available to become better prepared for the chances we hope to receive.

I thought about how easily waiting can become an activity of its own. We check for responses, refresh our inboxes, and wonder when something will finally happen. Before long, our attention becomes fixed on the opportunity we have not received, leaving little room to consider what we can do in the meantime. I was already making efforts to find suitable roles, but I had to ask myself whether I was using the waiting period as well as I could. There was more to preparing for a future than sending applications and hoping for replies. I could also work on my skills, examine my approach, and pay attention to areas where I wanted to grow.

However, preparation does not guarantee an opportunity, and this is an important reality to acknowledge. Not everyone has equal access to resources, professional connections, money, time, or reliable guidance. Some people can afford courses, acquire equipment, attend events, or accept unpaid opportunities. Others have responsibilities and financial limitations that make these things difficult. It would be unfair to suggest that every missed opportunity is the result of insufficient preparation.

Still, even when our circumstances limit our options, we can look for steps that are possible within those circumstances. Preparation does not have to look the same for everyone. What matters is making thoughtful use of the resources available to us while recognising that some barriers are beyond our individual control. The point was not to blame ourselves for every disappointment but to identify the areas where we still have room to act.

Be Bold Enough to Ask

One of Chidera’s strongest statements was, “No door will open to a quiet person. You have to be shameless.” The words were striking, especially for anyone who has ever hesitated to introduce themselves, ask a question, or reach out to someone they admire.

The speaker encouraged us to become more comfortable with making ourselves visible. We should introduce ourselves, ask questions, send emails, attend relevant events, share our work, and communicate our interests. We should not assume that people will automatically discover what we can do or understand what we hope to achieve.

She also emphasised curiosity as one of our greatest assets. Rather than pretending to know everything, we should ask questions and learn from people with experience. That includes asking for feedback when possible. For instance, if a recruiter has the opportunity to respond to an unsuccessful application, we can politely ask whether there is anything we could improve. Not every recruiter will respond, and some may be unable to provide individual feedback. However, when feedback is available, it can help us identify areas for improvement instead of repeatedly guessing what went wrong.

Boldness, according to the speaker, is not rudeness. It is the willingness to take reasonable steps towards our goals even when we feel nervous or uncertain. I considered whether there were times I could have asked more questions instead of trying to figure everything out alone. Perhaps I sometimes expected my efforts to speak for themselves when I also needed to communicate more deliberately. It was a reminder that being qualified for an opportunity and making others aware of what we can offer are two different things.

Sometimes, we may send an email and receive no response. We may introduce ourselves and discover that the person cannot help us. We may ask a question and still leave without the answer we hoped to hear. But the attempt itself can teach us something. We learn to communicate more clearly, handle uncomfortable moments, and become less dependent on the feeling of being completely ready. Perhaps being bold means accepting that not every conversation will lead somewhere while refusing to let that possibility silence us.

The Role of Hope and the Reality of Rejection

The discussion became more complicated when a participant raised a concern that many people could relate to: What happens when you prepare, make the effort, and still receive no response?

It was an important question because preparation and boldness can sound straightforward until we consider the many people who have already tried these things without seeing the results they hoped for. What happens when you have improved your skills, submitted applications, reached out to people, and continued trying, yet the doors remain closed?

The response acknowledged that life is not always fair and that effort does not guarantee success. Opportunities are influenced by many things, including competition, access, timing, resources, and circumstances outside our control. Recognising this reality matters. Otherwise, we risk making people feel that every disappointment is their fault or that they simply have not worked hard enough.

But the absence of a guarantee does not make preparation useless. There is a difference between what we can influence and what we cannot control. We can improve our skills, review our approach, seek guidance, and continue looking for opportunities. We cannot force every employer to respond, make every person recognise our potential, or ensure that every effort produces the desired result.

Chidera’s advice was to move on, learn from the experience, keep pushing, and keep talking. An unanswered application should not stop us from looking for other opportunities, and one disappointing experience should not prevent us from making another attempt.

I needed that reminder because it was easy to let unanswered applications become a measure of my progress. I could make an effort and still feel as though I was standing in the same place. But perhaps I also needed to learn how to assess my progress by more than the responses I received.

Moving forward does not mean pretending that rejection is easy. Sometimes, it means allowing ourselves to feel disappointed, examining what we can learn, and then deciding what to do next. We might try again, change our approach, seek feedback, explore another route, or take a break before returning to the task.

Hope does not require us to ignore the difficulty of our circumstances. It allows us to acknowledge the disappointment while recognising that one outcome does not have to determine everything that follows. I found that distinction important. It would be unrealistic to leave the presentation believing that rejection would disappear once I became more skilled or confident. But I could leave understanding that rejection did not have to become the final explanation for my life.

The Questions We Were Afraid to Ask

As the session continued, members of the audience raised questions about confidence after rejection, approaching successful people, and the feeling of falling behind in life. These questions brought the conversation closer to the concerns many young people carry privately. How do you remain confident when your efforts seem invisible? How do you approach people who appear to be far ahead of you? How do you keep working towards your goals when it feels as though everyone else is progressing faster?

The responses returned to the importance of taking small actions. Confidence does not always arrive before we act. Sometimes, it develops as we practise introducing ourselves, expressing our thoughts, asking questions, and putting ourselves forward despite our fears.

When approaching people with experience, curiosity and respect matter. We should be willing to learn, listen to their perspectives, and understand that their time and attention are valuable. We do not have to approach every interaction with the expectation that it must lead to a job, a connection, or an immediate benefit. A conversation can still be worthwhile because of what it teaches us.

The discussion about feeling behind in life was equally significant. It is easy to compare our progress with what other people choose to share. We see their achievements and may begin to believe that our own lives are moving too slowly. But we rarely have the full picture of another person’s circumstances, struggles, opportunities, or timeline. Comparing our private uncertainties with someone else’s visible achievements can leave us feeling inadequate without giving us any useful direction.

I knew how easy it was to focus on what other people seemed to have achieved while wondering when my own efforts would produce visible results. But the question was not simply whether I was moving as quickly as someone else. It was whether I was paying attention to my own growth and doing what I could with where I was.

Instead of asking why we are not where someone else is, we can ask what our present circumstances require of us. What can we learn? What step can we take? What needs to change? What progress can we recognise, even if it is not yet visible to others?

These questions do not erase the pressure many young people feel. Financial needs, family expectations, unemployment, and uncertainty are real concerns. Telling someone not to compare themselves with others does not automatically make those pressures disappear. However, comparison becomes less useful when it only convinces us that we are failing. It becomes more useful when we turn our attention back to our own decisions, needs, and possibilities.

By this point, the two sessions had begun to connect in my mind. Happiness had challenged us to take responsibility for who we were becoming, while Chidera had shown us that the process would involve disappointment, unanswered questions, and moments when our efforts did not produce the results we wanted. Together, their messages suggested that becoming is not a smooth journey from one achievement to another. It is a process of learning how to move through uncertainty without allowing every difficult experience to define us.

Becoming Begins With What We Do Next

As the presentation came to an end, I returned to the questions that had opened the day: Who am I? Who do I want to become? Who do I need to become to get there?

I still did not have complete answers. I could not suddenly explain every decision I needed to make or predict when the opportunities I wanted would arrive. The presentation had not removed my uncertainties, and I did not expect it to. What changed was the way I understood them.

I had been giving a great deal of attention to the things I was waiting for: responses to applications, opportunities to prove myself, and signs that I was moving in the right direction. But I also needed to look at the things within my reach. Was I learning? Was I willing to ask for help? Was I examining my habits honestly, or only noticing my shortcomings when they became obstacles?

The presentation reminded me that I could prepare while waiting. I could develop my skills, practise using my voice, build meaningful relationships, adapt my approach, and experiment with things that might help me discover new possibilities. I could also examine the labels I carried, acknowledge my weaknesses without turning them into permanent identities, and seek feedback where possible instead of allowing silence to answer every question about my worth.

These were not dramatic solutions to every problem I faced. They would not guarantee a job, remove every obstacle, or make the waiting less frustrating overnight. But they were places to begin.

Perhaps that is what becoming asks of us, not that we have our entire lives figured out, but that we remain willing to learn, question ourselves, and take responsibility for the next step.

I left the presentation with the same unanswered applications I had brought with me. The circumstances outside the room had not suddenly changed. There was no promise that an employer would call the next morning or that every effort I made from that point forward would succeed. Still, I did not want to spend all my time waiting for a response before deciding what to do with myself. There were things I could improve, habits I could question, and opportunities I could continue pursuing. There were also things I needed to be honest about, including the areas where my effort could be more intentional.

I did not leave believing that I could control every outcome. I left understanding that I could still participate in my own growth, even when I could not control the circumstances around me.

And perhaps that was the most important lesson of the day. Becoming is not only about the person we hope to be when everything finally works out. It is also about the person we choose to become while we are still waiting, learning, trying, and finding our way.

The question was no longer just, “When will the opportunity come?” It was also, “Who am I becoming while I wait?”